Aaron Landry

Mr. Franken-

I’ve recently read tomorrow’s hard-hitting City Pages investigative story about your neighbors’ opinions.

I feel compelled to ask you a few questions:

Your neighbor Hilary Cheely stated that you were expressing your desire for the Minnesota Twins to do well during a game. Out loud. Are these allegations true? How much of a Twins fan are you?
Your pal Hilary also said that she’s caught you in the act of singing out loud with earphones on. Do you think listening to music and singing are appropriate behaviors for a future Minnesota Senator? What unrecognizable music might you have been rocking out to?
Another neighbor of yours, Lauren Zeller, accuses you of donning a bumper sticker promoting your campaign on your car. How will you continue knowing that the City Pages has exposed that you are leaning towards voting for yourself? How do you expect voters to react?
Your building-mate Zeller also observed you working hard with your exercise regimen. She said you were vocally encouraging yourself to work even harder. If you were Senator, representing the the State of Minnesota, do you think such self-motivation would distract from your ability to “fit in” with senators who may be just as prudish as your neighbors?

Thank you in advance for taking the time to consider my questions.

-Aaron Landry

An Open Letter to Al Franken